Tuesday, April 21, 2009


Today was D-Day. The day I begin the process of reclaiming my body from the depths of postpartum icky-ness. The day I stop nursing. If you don't want to read about breastfeeding and/or all the stuff that goes with it, please go to another blog now. That's right, move along, nothing to see here. In fact, here's one for you: Click here. There, I gave you one for free. Now, go! Away with you!

*Sigh* There were moments over the past year when I cursed breastfeeding. When Zeke would push me away and scream, arch his back, and act like nursing was the worst punishment the Lord could bring on him, I wanted to give up. Throw in the towel. But with the support of my husband and sheer determination to make it because everyone said I couldn't...I pressed on.

*Sigh* There were moments in which I LOVED breastfeeding. Even in the last week or so, when I was only nursing him twice a day, sometimes I could feel his body relax when he latched on. In the early days, our bond didn't happen immediately. I didn't feel that initial, overwhelming, heart-swelling love immediately upon delivery like I was "supposed" to. We didn't gaze into each other's eyes like La Leche League says you should. However, in the following months, Zeke and I got into a routine after he nursed. He would prop his head up on one arm, and just...smile. And coo. And giggle a little bit. That was our time together. Of course, as he grew and wanted more independence, he stopped. I miss that time.

*Sigh* Today, he exercised his independence by throwing several mini-tantrums. But, after we got into a little car accident (not my fault, and yes, we are fine) and we were waiting with Josh for the Highway Patrol, he snuggled on each of our shoulders. SNUGGLED. Today, while we were playing with his Little People Noah's Ark, he handed me each animal as if he was giving me a tiny treasure.

*Sigh* I am definitely excited to do the following--
diet. I have lost all my baby weight without dieting, and now that I am exercising so much, I want to see how much water weight breastfeeding has added to me.
cleanse. I want to do a cleanse to get rid of all the....junk in me.
take supplements. I need to support my workouts and supplement with protein and vitamins to boost my immune system.
wear a regular bra. No more little clips at the shoulders for me!
stop wearing nursing pads. I'm sick of the lumpy look underneath my shirts.
I'm just looking forward to getting back to "normal." I don't even remember what that's like!

I am SO PROUD to say that I nursed my baby for a whole year. They said I couldn't do it! They said I'd stop when he got teeth! They said I'd give up! HA! I stayed strong and perservered, and I'm glad I did. I am sad to see this relationship between me and Zeke go, but I have the memories and I will do my best to cherish them forever.

Hooray for boobies!!!!


Kristen said...

congratulations on making it a year. hard to believe that i've been breastfeeding for over 7 months. i'm not sure when i will officially wean her.


Miranda said...

Wow!!! You have officially moved into the next stage of motherhood (The Toddler Years). I think it is absolutely wonderful that you accomplished so much taking time for yourself to workout! You can achive a lot without a strict diet (even if you are not breasfeeding). I hope you realize that you are a talented women and a great mom.

Here is to taking care of the wonderful bodies God gave us: WOO HOO!!!

Thank you for sharing your story!

Suburban Turmoil said...

Good job! Getting back to normal is a little sad and a LOT AWESOME! :)

Rachel Boldman said...

Thanks everyone! I'm a bit lumpy and in some pretty significant discomfort, but this too shall pass! I can't wait to go bra shopping! :)