Monday, April 12, 2010

Fear and Loathing In...

*****I've been writing this in pieces for the past few weeks, but until now haven't written down. Bear with me on these posts. I need to get some stuff out...but it comes in bits and pieces, sometimes without making much sense.*****

End of February

it looked hopeful

excited, daydreaming about a future of freedom

ready to move forward, grow, change, stretch, move

discomfort unavoidable but beneficial in an established institution.

he comes home from the meeting earlier than expected.

the door closes behind as the baby starts to cry, up from his nap earlier than expected.

enters the bedroom.

air draws out of space as he opens his mouth to tell the tale.

i hear the sound, but as if i'm above looking down

as if i'm already a thousand miles away back home

or watching a movie.

i hear the sound, the guttural cry.

it's not the baby, up from his nap earlier than expected

it's me.

and that moment is all it takes.

God is scary again.


Your Organizing Guru said...

(hugs) ~J

My name is Anna said...

I know that this must have been heartbreaking for you - leaving home for a great new adventure only for it to not work out as you had planned. But God still has a plan for you even if you don't know what it is yet. Maybe He just knew that we needed you more here than anyone in Missouri ever could. Just remember, you guys are not alone!