Monday, May 10, 2010

Tips

If you've been following me on Twitter lately, you know that I just started (really, RE-started) my internship for my Master's degree in counseling. You haven't heard from me much in the past few weeks because I've been trying very hard to get all my ducks in a row, dot the proverbial "i's" and cross those darned "t's"...and put my son in day care for the VERY FIRST TIME. Yes, I cried, and No, I'm not ashamed.

ANYWAY, I'd like to bring some things to your attention, especially you stay-at-home moms. I'd like to help you out. You see, my grand-re-entrance into the work force has not been, *ahem*...smooth. I may, or may not have committed some faux pas while getting reacquainted with my new-ish surroundings. You can be spared the embarrassment if you will but read about mine. I therefore present you with the following...

Things you probably shouldn't do at work, former SAHM!
1. Pick your nose. You really shouldn't be doing this anyway, since you can't blame your child learning the habit on anyone else but you...pssssst...your husband knows. It's* okay.* But really, no one outside your own home wants to see you dig for gold. Did you know that nose-picking is generally socially unacceptable? Well now you do. People WILL look at you funny if you do it, and not funny like your kid looks at you and it's oh-so-cute. No. They will probably walk the other way and avoid you if they see you doin' one of these: 2. Sticking your hand down your pants to adjust...whatever. So this one goes along the lines of the last one. This is a private activity that should be relegated to the confines of a restroom. Or, if you can close the door to your office and you do not share it with anyone else, I guess that's okay too. Yes, I know your pockets are all bunchy in the back, but people really aren't going to notice. What they WILL notice is your hands down your pants.

3. WEDGIES. Just let it ride until you can get to a bathroom, for the good of all involved. Please.

4. Adjusting your belt. Again, restroom stuff. Yes, you should be proud of losing the baby weight. But if you adjust your belt to cinch in that last belt loop in front of others, especially if you are standing up and they are sitting down, they will PROBABLY think you are taking your pants off. No one wants to see you take your pants off in the work place. At home, you can take them off whenever the thought strikes you, so you don't think "wow, someone might think I'm taking my pants off when I'm really not." Well, think again sister. You must remain clothed in the work place, and people are on guard about that kind of stuff.

5. Bodily functions. Try not to burp, fart, run screaming to the bathroom because you've got to pee or...whatever. This may seem like common knowledge, but especially after having a baby, these things just.........happen. You gotsta control that! Do your exercises. Please.

5 and 1/2. While we're at it... you don't have to call it a "potty." "Restroom," "bathroom," and "Ladies/Men's room" is juuuust fine. Everyone knows what you're talking about. ALSO... you can go ALONE! SCORE!!

6. Wear your jammies. You've been wearing them until the baby naps and you can get a free moment to shower and put at LEAST a clean shirt on, but honey, the rest of the world wakes up and gets ready BEFORE 1:00 p.m. Shocking, I know! Trust me, it threw ME for a loop. Your Eeyore pants are NOT proper office attire. Neither is your Eeyore shirt, even if it's covered by a jacket and EVEN if it's over those super-trendy leggings. Wear. Something. Else.

So there's a few of my tips...you know...because I've seen people do this stuff and I want you to be WAY cooler than THEM when you go back to work.

RIIIIIIIGHT!!

Any tips YOU'D like to share?!

3 comments:

musicow2 said...

YOU are hysterical. I miss you. And we live in the same city again. For shame.

Great idea for a post and great tips! :)

I might add to refrain from licking your finger to wipe off that "icky" on a co-worker's face. Probably not a great way to make friends.

Megan said...

Rachel, I LOVE it. I would add, no texting or talking when someone else is. It's just rude.

Much love to you, friend!

I know it was hard to put your little one in day care! Hugs!

Erin said...

It's only been 17 months since I worked, but I still have a hard time believing that people are awake before 9am and dressed before 1pm. That only happens one day a week now, and that's when we go to Story Time at the library! Oh, and personally, I think Eeyore pants are acceptable attire any time of day. :D