Monday, June 7, 2010

Connecting....

Hi everyone...

I've been...out of touch recently. I've really been sad knowing that my blog is here waiting for me to write; just waiting for the words to fall on the page. Trust me, there's much to discuss. Unfortunately not much of it can be discussed on the interwebz. Strike that, NONE of them can be discussed on the interwebz. It's sad, really.

Here's what I CAN tell you:

* I am LOVING every minute of my internship. Really, that's all there is to say about that. I mean, I have never been so sure that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, doing exactly what I'm supposed to do.

* My requirements for graduation are intense. There's a huge exam to study for, a paper to write, a portfolio to prepare and a presentation to craft. I work for at least 3 hours every day on one or all of those tasks. It's exhausting but I keep reminding myself that I only have 5 more months left.

* My son, for the most part, enjoys his day care. It's really precious to ride home with him and hear all about his friends and his teachers. He tells the best little stories!

* We share a car. That means I'm taking time out of my day (and Josh is taking time out of his) to commute with each other to Zeke's day care, then to work, then back to Zeke's day care, then home. We leave the house before 7:00 a.m. and don't get back until after 6:30. It's pretty brutal. Does anyone want to give us a free car? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

* We are doing our best to draw close to the Lord through this time and to really sort out the lessons that are to be learned. There are about 1,000 I'm sure.

* We are just doing our best, and just getting by.

So I apologize to those of you who have been reading my Operation KidConnect posts. I'm extremely upset that I haven't been able to post them regularly, and I know I should write my posts on the weekends and schedule them throughout the week and blah blah blah, but I am really struggling. Now that I don't spend all day with my toddler, when I do get to spend time with him on the weekends it's really important that I take that time and unplug from my various devices.

Today at church, the pastor said "saying that someone has 'potential' is a compliment...until it's an indictment." Meaning, you can have all the potential you want, but at some point you need to use it. That's what I'm doing here, trying to finish my degree and yes, WORKING once I receive it. I'm struggling through massive feelings of guilt about putting Zeke in day care and mourning the loss of the freedom I once had to take walks, go to the gym, go to play dates and see my friends. Finishing is one of the most difficult decisions I've made. It would have been easier for me to keep the status quo and blame my lack of completion of this degree on "time running out" or "life happening" or something like that. But the truth is, I have the power to finish this thing. And if these gifts of mine are truly given to me by God, which I wholeheartedly believe they are, then God will see me through this internship, through graduation and onto a fulfilling job. So basically I've realized that it's time to start acting like I believe this. So that's what I'm doing. I'm sorry that's caused me to be a little bit out of touch lately. I hope to have some thoughts about connecting with kids a little bit later this week.

You all rock. Thanks for reading. :)

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